الحمد لله نحمده ونستعينه ونستغفره، ونعوذ بالله تعالى من شرور أنفسنا، وسيئات أعمالنا، ، وأشهد أن لا إله إلا الله وحده لا شريك له، وأشهد أن محمداً عبده ورسوله ، اللهم صلِّ وسلم وبارك على سيدنا محمد وعلى آله وأصحابه  ومن تبعه إلى يوم الدين.

The Quran informs us that Prophet Ibrahim (PBUH) made four requests to Allah and Allah corrected them for him. Prophet Ibrahim asked Allah to make his offspring as religious leaders, but Allah corrected him by saying that only the righteous ones will be granted this honor but not the wrongdoers from your progeny.  Allah says:

وَإِذِ ٱبۡتَلَىٰٓ إِبۡرَٲهِـۧمَ رَبُّهُ ۥ بِكَلِمَـٰتٍ۬ فَأَتَمَّهُنَّ‌ۖ قَالَ إِنِّى جَاعِلُكَ لِلنَّاسِ إِمَامً۬ا‌ۖ قَالَ وَمِن ذُرِّيَّتِى‌ۖ قَالَ لَا يَنَالُ عَهۡدِى ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ (١٢٤)

And (recall) when his Lord put Ibrahim to a test with certain commands, and he fulfilled them, He (Allah) said, “I am going to make you an Imam for the mankind.” He (Ibrahim) said, “And from among my offspring (to make leaders too)?” He (Allah) replied, “My covenant does not extend to the unjust (wrong-doers).” (Al-Baqara 2:124)

Prophet Ibrahim learnt the lesson and he made another request that Allah grants prosperity only to the believers from his progeny.  Allah corrected him here too by saying even the disbelievers will be granted prosperity in this life but their account will be in the hereafter.  Allah says:

وَإِذۡ قَالَ إِبۡرَٲهِـۧمُ رَبِّ ٱجۡعَلۡ هَـٰذَا بَلَدًا ءَامِنً۬ا وَٱرۡزُقۡ أَهۡلَهُ ۥ مِنَ ٱلثَّمَرَٲتِ مَنۡ ءَامَنَ مِنۡہُم بِٱللَّهِ وَٱلۡيَوۡمِ ٱلۡأَخِرِ‌ۖ قَالَ وَمَن كَفَرَ فَأُمَتِّعُهُ ۥ قَلِيلاً۬ ثُمَّ أَضۡطَرُّهُ ۥۤ إِلَىٰ عَذَابِ ٱلنَّارِ‌ۖ وَبِئۡسَ ٱلۡمَصِيرُ (١٢٦)

“And (recall) when Ibrahim said, “My Lord, make this a city of peace, and provide its people with fruits – those of them who believe in Allah and the Last Day.” He (Allah) said, “As for the one who disbelieves, I shall let him enjoy a little, then I shall drag him to the punishment of the Fire. How evil an end it is!” (Al-Baqara 2:124)

Prophet Ibrahim asked Allah to grant the People a Prophet to teach them the Quran and wisdom and to purify them.   Allah corrected the role of the Prophet that he will first purifies them and then teaches them the Quran and wisdom.  Prophet Ibrahim said:

رَبَّنَا وَٱبۡعَثۡ فِيهِمۡ رَسُولاً۬ مِّنۡہُمۡ يَتۡلُواْ عَلَيۡہِمۡ ءَايَـٰتِكَ وَيُعَلِّمُهُمُ ٱلۡكِتَـٰبَ وَٱلۡحِكۡمَةَ وَيُزَكِّيہِمۡ‌ۚ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ ٱلۡعَزِيزُ ٱلۡحَكِيمُ (١٢٩)

“Our Lord, raise in their midst a Messenger from among them, who recites to them Your signs, and teaches them the Book and the wisdom, and purifies them. Indeed You, and You alone, are the All-Mighty, the All-Wise.” (Al-Baqara 2:129)

Allah’s response was: 

لَقَدۡ مَنَّ ٱللَّهُ عَلَى ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنِينَ إِذۡ بَعَثَ فِيہِمۡ رَسُولاً۬ مِّنۡ أَنفُسِهِمۡ يَتۡلُواْ عَلَيۡہِمۡ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ وَيُزَڪِّيہِمۡ وَيُعَلِّمُهُمُ ٱلۡكِتَـٰبَ وَٱلۡحِڪۡمَةَ وَإِن كَانُواْ مِن قَبۡلُ لَفِى ضَلَـٰلٍ۬ مُّبِينٍ (١٦٤)

“Allah has surely conferred favor on the believers when He raised in their midst a Messenger from among themselves who recites to them His signs and purifies than and teaches them the Book and the Wisdom, while earlier, they were in flagrant error.” (Al-Emran 3:164)

The fourth request that Prophet Ibrahim made was that Allah grants him a righteous son “a saleh son” but Allah told him that we are granting you a forbearing gentle (Haleem) son.  Allah says: 

رَبِّ هَبۡ لِى مِنَ ٱلصَّـٰلِحِينَ (١٠٠) فَبَشَّرۡنَـٰهُ بِغُلَـٰمٍ حَلِيمٍ۬ (١٠١)

“O my Lord, bless me with a righteous son.” (100) So, We gave him the glad tidings of a forbearing (gentle) son.” (Al-Saffat 37:100-101) 

This means that one cannot be righteous and good unless he is first forbearing (Haleem).  Both the terms Hilm which refers to a certain human character and the term Haleem that refers to the one who possesses the character of Hilm are difficult to translate because they involve many attributes.   The closest English translation for Hilm is forbearance and Haleem as a forbearing person.

The attribute of forbearance (Hilm) encompasses all the good characters of wisdom, patience, maturity, tolerance, compassion, kindness, mercy, humility, dignity, forgiveness, strength, calm, optimism and so on.  This is why the Arabs used to say: “Forbearance “Hilm” is the master of all characters.” (الحلم سيد الأخلاق)

The person who possesses this attribute of forbearance (hilm) is the one who is not provoked by ignorance or disobedience, he is the one who is kind, merciful and quick to forgive though he is able to punish.  The Forbearing ‘Haleem” person is who is quiet and peaceful, and who is in control of his lower nature.

This attribute of Hilm is the most critical for any Muslim.  In fact, Al-Haleem (The Most Forbearing) is one of the glorious names of Allah.

The first step in developing the character of Hilm (Forbearance) to learn how to control your anger. There are many hadith in which the Prophet (PBUH) gave the advice to the companions about the importance of controlling their anger.  As example, Abu Hurayrah said:  

عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه: أن رجلًا قال للنبي صلى الله عليه وسلم: أوصني، قال: «لا تغضب» فردد مرارًا، قال: «لا تغضب» [ أخرجه البخاري].

A man asked the Prophet (PBUH) for an advice and the Prophet (PBUH) said, “Do not get angry”. The man repeated that several times and the Prophet (PBUH) gave the same response “Do not get angry”.  [Al-Bukhari]. 

Since controlling anger of the first step for achieving the character of Hilm, Allah emphasized it in the following verse from Al-Imran:

وَٱلۡڪَـٰظِمِينَ ٱلۡغَيۡظَ وَٱلۡعَافِينَ عَنِ ٱلنَّاسِ‌ۗ وَٱللَّهُ يُحِبُّ ٱلۡمُحۡسِنِينَ (١٣٤)

“those who control anger and forgive people. And Allah loves those who are good doers.” (Al-Imran 3:134) 

Allah commands us to imitate the character of the Prophet (PBUH) by taking him as our role model, as He says:

لَّقَدۡ كَانَ لَكُمۡ فِى رَسُولِ ٱللَّهِ أُسۡوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ۬ لِّمَن كَانَ يَرۡجُواْ ٱللَّهَ وَٱلۡيَوۡمَ ٱلۡأَخِرَ وَذَكَرَ ٱللَّهَ كَثِيرً۬ا (٢١)

“There is indeed a good role model for you in the Messenger of Allah – for the one who has hope in (meeting) Allah and the Last Day, and remembers Allah much.” (Al-Ahzab 33:21)

So, if you are really serious about taking the Prophet (PBUH) as your role model, you should study his examples of forbearance “Hilm” and strive to imitate them. 

Both before and after his prophethood, The Prophet (PBUH) was the gentlest of people. This is a quality that he carried throughout his life. Allah acknowledged this quality and highlighted its importance by saying:

فَبِمَا رَحۡمَةٍ۬ مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمۡ‌ۖ وَلَوۡ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ ٱلۡقَلۡبِ لَٱنفَضُّواْ مِنۡ حَوۡلِكَ‌ۖ فَٱعۡفُ عَنۡہُمۡ وَٱسۡتَغۡفِرۡ لَهُمۡ وَشَاوِرۡهُمۡ فِى ٱلۡأَمۡرِ‌ۖ  (١٥٩)

 “And it is by the Mercy of Allah that you were gentle with them, and had you been rude and harsh-hearted, they would have scattered away from you; so overlook (their faults), and ask (Allah’s) forgiveness for them; and consult them in the affairs.” (Al-Imran 3:159)

The Prophet never thought to avenge himself for wrongs done to his person. In addition, he was the hardest to anger, the easiest to please, and the most forgiving of all.  When Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) began his prophetic mission, the disbelievers in Mecca leveled at him every kind of insult and indignity.   

We know from the well recorded history that the disbelievers tried everything they could think of to anger the Prophet (PBUH), but he endured everything they did to him.  He reacted to all their evil deeds with calm, patience, and tolerance and more than that when Jibril came to him and told him that Allah has granted him the authority to ask the angels of mountains to destroy the disbelievers, the Prophet (PBUH) refused and instead, he prayed to Allah by saying: (اللهم اغفر لقومي، فإنهم لا يعلمون) “O’ Allah guide my people; they just don’t know”.

While there are many accounts that clearly demonstrate the Prophet’s level of (Hilm), I’ll only mention few in this talk.  I sincerely hope that you study this subject to learn how to develop this prophetic character in your character.

Example 1: The Prophet’s reaction to the Jewish scholar Zayd ibn Si’nah (زيد بن سعنة).   

 The Jewish scholar Zayd ibn Si’nah (زيد بن سعنة) wanted to test the attribute of forbearance “Hilm” on the Prophet (PBUH) because a key attribute of the upcoming Prophet that was prophesized in the Torat is his great level of forbearance (Hilm) and patience in face of ignorance.

So, Zayd took advantage of an opportunity when a man came asking the Prophet (PBUH) for financial help and the Prophet did not have any to give at that time, so he asked for a loan and Zayd was quick in lending the Prophet (PBUH) an amount of dates for a specified time.  Three days before the designated date, Zayd came while the Prophet (PBUH) was standing with Omar ibn Al-Khattab and grabbed the Prophet (PBUH) by his robe around his neck and pulled it hard and in harsh and rude way he shouted at the Prophet (PBUH) saying:

وجاء زيد بن سعنة – قبل إسلامه – يطلب النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم بدين، فجبذ ثوبه عن منكبه وأخذ بمجامع ثيابه، وأغلظ له، ثم قال: إنكم يا بني عبدالمطلب قوم مطل.

‘O Muhammad, pay me back. You sons of Abdul Muttalib are always delinquent in paying your debts.’”

Omar got so angry and pulled Zayd and holding him asked the Prophet for permission to cut his neck.   But the Prophet (PBUH) stopped Omar and reprimanded him and said:

فقال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: «أنا وهو كنا إلى غير هذا أحوج منك يا عمر، تأمرني بحسن القضاء وتأمره بحسن التقاضي».

 “O Omar, both I and he expected better from you. You should have ordered me to pay what I owe him, and you should have asked him to asks for his money with courtesy.”   

Then, the Prophet (PBUH) said to Zayd:

ثم قال: «لقد بقي من أجله ثلاث» وأمر عمر أن يقضيه ماله، ويزيده عشرين صاعًا لِمَا روَّعه. فكان سبب إسلامه.

Zayd, there are still three days to the deadline.  Then he told Omar: pay Zayd the amount and add more until he is pleased as recompense for the fear you caused him.   

Omar took Zayd to pay him the dates and increased the amount until Zayd said that is enough.  Then Zayd said: O’ Omar, I know that there are still three days for the payment, do you why I did this.  

يقول زيد – وهو من اليهود -: ما بقي من علامات النبوة شيء إلا وقد عرفتها في محمد إلا اثنتين لم أخبرهما: يسبق حلمه جهله، ولا تزيده شدة الجهل إلا حَلمًا. فاختبرته بهذا، فوجدته كما وُصِف] أخرجه البغوي في «الأنوار» وقال المحقق أخرجه الحاكم في المستدرك و أبو نعيم في الدلائل وذكره الهثيمي في مجمع الزوائد ونسبه للطبراني[

I did this because I have found in the Prophet (PBUH) all the characters of prophethood that are described to us in the Torah except for two that I wanted to check and they are he responds to ignorance with forbearance and the more the ignorance the more forbearance he shows ( يسبق حلمه جهله، ولا تزيده شدة الجهل إلا حَلمًا.) and now I found both of them. The Messenger responded to my ignorant, harsh, rude manner only by increasing his own forbearance.

O Omar you be my witness, I donate all these dates to the poor Muslims, let us go back to the Prophet to declare my Shahadah.

They returned to the Prophet (PBUH) and Zayd declared his Islam.

The Prophet (PBUH) always responded to words and actions that were turned against him with maturity, compassion, and kindness.  This is just one simple demonstration of the Prophet’s patience and gentleness that brought many people to Islam. 

Ask yourself, how many people you may have discouraged from considering Islam by your rudeness or even derived a Muslim, particularly, a youth out Islam because of your anger and lack of forbearance (Hilm).  

Ask yourself, do you demonstrate the character of Hilm with your wife, your children or your students.  

Let us look at other examples of the level of Hilm of the Prophet (PBUH) with his family.  

As would happen within any family, conflicts sometimes happen between the husband and the wife and the Prophet’s house was not immune from these conflicts.   The lesson that we need to learn how the Prophet’s forbearance (Hilm) was demonstrated in these situations.

Example 2:  Conflict between the Prophet (PBUH) and his wife Aisha (RA)

Al-Hafez Al-Dimishqi (الحافظ الدمشقي) reported:

حدث خلاف بين النبي  وعائشة ـ رضي الله عنهما فقال لها من ترضين بيني وبينك .. أترضين بعمر؟ قالت: لا أرضي عمر قط “عمر غليظ”.  قال أترضين بأبيك بيني وبينك؟ قالت: نعم، فبعث رسول الله رسولاً إلى أبي بكر  فلما جاء قال الرسول : تتكلمين أم أتكلم؟ قالت: تكلم ولا تقل إلا حقاً، فرفع أبو بكر يده فلطم أنفها، فولت عائشة هاربة منه واحتمت بظهر النبي ، حتى قال له رسول الله: أقسمت عليك لما خرجت بأن لم ندعك لهذا.  فلما خرج قامت عائشة فقال لها الرسول : ادني مني؛ فأبت؛ فتبسم  وقال: لقد كنت من قبل شديدة اللزوق(اللصوق) بظهري – إيماءة إلى احتمائها بظهره  خوفًا من ضرب أبيها لها -، ولما عاد أبو بكر ووجدهما يضحكان قال: أشركاني في سلامكما، كما أشركتماني في دربكما”.  (رواه الحافظ الدمشقي في السمط الثمين(

One time, the Prophet (PBUH) and Sayeda Aisha had a conflict. The Prophet asked her whom does she want to come to judge between them.    Do you want Omar, she said: No.  Do want your father; she said yes.

The Prophet (PBUH) send to Abu Bakr to come and when he came, The Prophet (PBUH) asked Aysha:  Do you want to speak first or do you want me to speak. 

She said:  You speak but don’t say anything other than the truth.   

Abu Bakr, shouted at Aysha how dare you say that; who else will tell the truth other than the Prophet and stood going toward her to hit her.

So, she jumped and hid behind the Prophet (PBUH).

The Prophet (PBUH) said to Abu Bakr, please leave, we did not ask you to come to do this.

Abu Bakr, left.  The Prophet (PBUH) asked Aysha to come close to him but she refused.  The Prophet (PBUH) smiled and went toward her and said: you were sticking to me for protection form your father and now you don’t want to come close.  He went and kissed her and they started laughing. 

When Abu Bakr heard their laugh from the outside the door, he knocked on the door.

When the Prophet (PBUH) opened the door, Abu Bakr said:  Get me involved in your peace as you involved me in your conflict.

Question: What would you have done if you faced the same situation and your wife told you to speak but don’t say anything but the truth.  Would you get angry and create another conflict by saying how dare you are accusing me that I may not tell the truth?  Your anger will only make the situation worse and change a simple conflict to a bigger one that can lead to bad consequence.

Example 3:  Sayeda Aysha (RA) Getting Angry and Breaking a Plate with Food

The Nisa’i (النسائي) reported

روى النسائي عن أم سلمة رضي الله عنها أنها أتت بطعام في صفحة لها إلى رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم وأصحابه فجاءت عائشة متزرة بكساء ومعها فهر “حجر” ففلقت به الصفحة، فجمع النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم بين فلقتي الصفحة ويقول: « كلوا، غارت أمكم » مرتين، ثم أخذ رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم صفحة عائشة فبعث بها إلى أم سلمة، وأعطى صفحة أم سلمة عائشة .

One day the Prophet (PBUH) was in the house of Aysha and had some companions visiting his.  Umm Salamah came and knocked on the door and when the Prophet (PBUH) opened, she handed him a dish with food.   When The prophet (PBUH) put the plate on the floor so the companions can eat, Aysha came with a rock and throw it at the plate splitting it and spilling the food.   The prophet (PBUH) put the two pieces of the plate together with whatever food still there and looked at the companions smiling and Aysha and said:  No worry, your mother Aysha is a little jealous.   After the gathering, he took a plate from Aysha and gave it to Umm Salamah.

Question:  what would be you reaction if your wife did something similar or even something smaller such as accidently spilling the food that is being serving to your friends.    

Example 3:  The Response of the Prophet (PBUH) to his Wife Maymunah (RA) Locking Him Out of the House

It is reported by Ibn Sa’d (ابن سعد)

عَنْ مَيْمُونَة بْنَت ٱلَحَارِث قَالَتْ : خَرَجَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ ذَاتَ لَيْلَةٍ مِنْ عِنْدِي فَأَغْلَقْتُ دُونَهُ الْبَابَ فَجَاءَ يَسْتَفْتِحُ الْبَابَ فَأَبَيْتُ أَنْ أَفْتَحَ لَهُ ، فَقَالَ : ” أَقْسَمْتُ إِلَّا فَتَحْتِهِ لِي ” فَقُلْتُ لَهُ : تَذْهَبَ إِلَى أَزْوَاجِكَ فِي لَيْلَتِي هَذِهِ ، قَالَ : ” مَا فَعَلْتُ وَلَكِنْ وَجَدْتُ حَقْنًا مِنْ بَوْلِي ” . ]ابن سعد في الطبقات الكبرى[

The Prophet (PBUH) was in the house of his wife Maymunah and after they went to sleep; the Prophet (PBUH) got up slowly from the bed and open the door and went outside.  When Maymunah noticed what he did, she got up and locked the door.  After short time, the Prophet (PBUH) came and tried to open the door but it was locked. He knocked on the door and Maymunah said, I was awake but I did not respond and did not open the door.  The Prophet (PBUH) knocked on the door several times but I did respond.  The Prophet then said: I make an oath by Allah that you open the door for me.   Only then she got up and opened the door. 

As soon as the Prophet entered, she grabbed him from his clothing and said while angry: Where did you go, how can you leave me and go to one of your other wives. 

In a clam voice, the Prophet (PBUH) said: I did not go anywhere, I felt pain in my stomach and did not want to wake you up, so I went outside to walk a little and when the pain subsided, I came back.   She apologized and they went back to sleep.

Question:  What would you have done, if you stayed late and your wife locked the door that you cannot enter and when you entered, she shouts at you where have been. The  Prophet (PBUH) did not get angry, rather he responded to her in calm voice and comforted her and the matter ended.

Example 5:  The Prophets’ Reaction to the Youth Who Wanted Permission to Commit Adultery

Reported by Ahmad that Abu Umamah (أَبِي أُمَامَةَ) said:

عَنْ أَبِي أُمَامَةَ قَالَ إِنَّ فَتًى شَابًّا أَتَى النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ ائْذَنْ لِي بِالزِّنَا فَأَقْبَلَ الْقَوْمُ عَلَيْهِ فَزَجَرُوهُ قَالُوا مَهْ مَهْ فَقَالَ ادْنُهْ فَدَنَا مِنْهُ قَرِيبًا قَالَ فَجَلَسَ قَالَ أَتُحِبُّهُ لِأُمِّكَ قَالَ لَا وَاللَّهِ جَعَلَنِي اللَّهُ فِدَاءَكَ قَالَ وَلَا النَّاسُ يُحِبُّونَهُ لِأُمَّهَاتِهِمْ قَالَ أَفَتُحِبُّهُ لِابْنَتِكَ قَالَ لَا وَاللَّهِ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ جَعَلَنِي اللَّهُ فِدَاءَكَ قَالَ وَلَا النَّاسُ يُحِبُّونَهُ لِبَنَاتِهِمْ قَالَ أَفَتُحِبُّهُ لِأُخْتِكَ قَالَ لَا وَاللَّهِ جَعَلَنِي اللَّهُ فِدَاءَكَ قَالَ وَلَا النَّاسُ يُحِبُّونَهُ لِأَخَوَاتِهِمْ قَالَ أَفَتُحِبُّهُ لِعَمَّتِكَ قَالَ لَا وَاللَّهِ جَعَلَنِي اللَّهُ فِدَاءَكَ قَالَ وَلَا النَّاسُ يُحِبُّونَهُ لِعَمَّاتِهِمْ قَالَ أَفَتُحِبُّهُ لِخَالَتِكَ قَالَ لَا وَاللَّهِ جَعَلَنِي اللَّهُ فِدَاءَكَ قَالَ وَلَا النَّاسُ يُحِبُّونَهُ لِخَالَاتِهِمْ فَوَضَعَ يَدَهُ عَلَيْهِ وَقَالَ اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ ذَنْبَهُ وَطَهِّرْ قَلْبَهُ وَحَصِّنْ فَرْجَهُ فَلَمْ يَكُنْ بَعْدُ ذَلِكَ الْفَتَى يَلْتَفِتُ إِلَى شَيْءٍ ) وفي رواية أخرى فَقَالَ لَهُ فَاكْرَهْ مَا كَرِهَ اللَّهُ وَأَحِبَّ لأَخِيكَ مَا تُحِبُّ لِنَفْسِكَ]  (مسند أحمد باقي مسند الأنصار[

 A young man came to the Prophet (PBUH) and said, “O Messenger of Allah, give me permission to commit adultery.”  The people shouted at him rebuking him, how date he can make such request.

 But the Prophet (PBUH) asked them to stop and asked the young man to come and sit with him.  When The young man came and sat down by the Prophet.

The Prophet said, “Would you like that for your mother?” The youth said, “No, by Allah, may I be sacrificed for you (لَا وَاللَّهِ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ جَعَلَنِي اللَّهُ فِدَاءَكَ).” The Prophet said, “Neither would people like it for their mothers.

Would you like that for your daughter?” The youth said, “No, by Allah, may I be sacrificed for you.” The Prophet said, “Neither would people like it for their daughters.

Would you like that for your sister?” The youth said, “No, by Allah, may I be sacrificed for you.” The Prophet said, “Neither would people like it for their sisters.

Would you like that for your aunts?” The youth said, “No, by Allah, may I be sacrificed for you.” The Prophet said, “Neither would people like it for their aunts.” And. said:  Hate what Allah hates and love for your brother what you love for yourself.

The youth, asked the Prophet (PBUH) to pray for him.   The Prophet (PBUH) placed his hand on the youth’s heart and said, “O Allah, forgive his sins, purify his heart, and guard his chastity.” (اغْفِرْ ذَنْبَهُ وَطَهِّرْ قَلْبَهُ وَحَصِّنْ فَرْجَهُ)

The young man left the masjid saying, I came and the adultery was the most beloved to me and I am leaving with adultery the most despised act to me. (Musnad Aḥmad)

I just gave few examples demonstrating the Prophet’ Forbearance (Hilm)  and this is why Allah selected the Prophet character as the one attribute to praise him with when He said: “And you have an exalted character” (Al-Qalam 68:4)  وَإِنَّكَ لَعَلَىٰ خُلُقٍ عَظِيمٍ۬ (٤))

Is the Prophet’s character hard to imitate?  Yes, it is hard unless you are one of those who really loved the Prophet (PBUH).  Frankly, it is easy for anyone to claim loving the Prophet (PBUH) but unless the person strives to imitate the Prophet’s character, the claim will be just an empty talk. 

Example 6: The Hilm of Ma’n ibn Za’ida (معن بن زائدة)

In the remaining few minutes, I’ll give one account of the behavior of one of the true Muslims who committed to follow the Prophet example in forbearance (Hilm) and this is Ma’n ibn Za’ida (معن بن زائدة) (died 70 H).    Ma’n ibn Za’ida was an army commander and  member of nobility of the Shayban tribe who was committed to imitate the Prophet (PBUH) in his forbearance (Hilm). 

People wanted to test Ma’n’s “Hilm” him. They searched for the most obnoxious person and promised to give him 100 camels if he can get Ma’n (معن) angry. 

So, the man slaughtered a sheep and wore its skin the bloody and dirty side of the skin  on the outside and walked to the house of Ma’n (معن) uninvited and without giving him any greeting and looked at Ma’n with disgust and said:    Do you remember Ma’n (معن) when your clothing were the skin of sheep and your sandals were from the skin of camels (أتذكر إذ لحافك جلد شاة وإذ نعلاك من جلد البعيـرِ؟).

Ma’n said: Yes, I remember that (أذكر ذلك)

The man said: glory to the one who gave you honor and make you know how to sit of these soft cushions (فسبحان الـذي أعطـاك ملكـاً وعلّمك الجلوس على السريرِ)

Ma’n said:  Glory to Allah almighty (سبحانه وتعالى)

The man said: (فلست مُسَلِّماً ما عشتُ حياً علـى مـعـن بتسلـيـم الأمـيـرِ) You will never live as Muslim since you did not great me

Ma’n said: (إن سلَّمت رددنا عليك السلام، وإن تركت فلا ضير عليك) If you greeted us, we would have greeted you but if you did not greet us no blame be on you.

The man said: (سأرحل عن بلاد أنت فيهـا، ولو جار الزمان على الفقيرِ) I’ll depart any city you live in it even if this makes me poor. 

Ma’n said: (إن أقمت بنا فعلى الرحب والسعة، وإن رحلت عنا فمصحوباً بالسّلامة) If you stay with us, you will be very welcomed and if you depart, we wish safety in your travel. 

The man started getting desperate in getting Ma’n to be angry, so he said to him:

Then the son of the deprived (يابـن ناقـصـة) grant me some money since I decided to leave (فجـد لـي يابـن ناقـصـة بـمـال فإني قد عزمت على المسيرِ).

Note: that Ma’n is called Ma’n ibn Za’ida (معن بن زائدة) Zaida is his mother name and it means the “proposer one”. So his name will be Ma’n the son of the proposer one. But the man called him Ma’n ibn Na’qsa meaning Ma’s the son of the deprived one.

Ma’n continued to tolerate the man’s continued insults and ordered his workers to give him  one thousand dinars.

When they gave it to him, the man said:  This is too little, I am expecting more, you have plenty of money and whatever you have is accidental since you don’t deserve it and you have no intelligent and cannot make proper decisions.

قليـل مـا أتيـتَ بـه وإنـي لأطمع منك بالمال الكثيرِ فثنِّ فقد أتاك الملك عفواً بــلا عـقـل ولا رأي مـنـيـرِ

Ma’n ordered his workers to give the man another 1000 dinars. (أعطوه ألفاً ثانياً)

At this time, the man came close to Ma’n (معن) and kissed his hands and feet and said:  May Allah save you and give you long life, there is no one like you, your forbearance is unmatched and your generosity is overwhelming.  If this is your character, how was the character of the Prophet whom you try to imitate.

Ma’n looked at his workers and said: We gave him 2000 dinars for insulting us. So, give him 4000 for honoring us. 

The man said: (نفسي فداك، ما فعلت ذلك إلا لمئة بعير جُعِلَت على إغضابك). I offer my life as sacrifice for yours, I haven’t done this expect I was promised to get 100 camels if I can make you angry

Ma’n said: (لا خوف عليك، ثم أمر له بمئتي بعير، نصفها للّرهان والنصف الآخر له.) No fear be on you, and ordered to give him 200 camels, and said, one 100 for the bet that was made and 100 extras for you.

We pray to Allah to give us the wisdom to show our love for the Prophet (PBUH) by adopting his Hilm in our character.   If Ma’n can demonstrate an element of the Prophet Hilm, we ask Allah to cleanse our soul to also demonstrate it. 

DUA