إن الحمد لله نحمده ونستعينة ونستغفره، ونعوذ بالله من شرور أنفسنا، ومن سيئات أعمالنا ، وأشهد أن لا إله إلا الله وحده لا شريك له ، وأشهد أن سيدنا محمداً عبده ورسوله ، اللهم صلِّ وسلم وبارك على سيدنا محمد وعلى آله وأصحابه  ومن تبعه إلى يوم الدين

Since March is women history month, it will be good to address the major problem of domestic violence that has been facing women for centuries and continues until today and look how Islam addressed this issue.  Islam addressed this issue in the year 620 CE which is over 1350 years before the west established laws against it.   Also, Islam gave women rights that have not been attained by women in the west even today.

Modern attention to domestic violence in the west began with women’s movement of the 1970s.  In 1994, The US congress passed the Violence Against Women Act (“VAWA”) and in 1996 domestic violence was designated as national crime.  In fact, prior to the mid-1800s, most legal systems implicitly accepted wife beating as a valid exercise of a husband’s authority over his wife.  Also, until the mid-19^th century a man in the west and the US was allowed to sell his wife.    

However, in spite the laws that have been established against domestic violence against women, this shocking crime remains to be a big problem even today.   Here are some statistics in the US:

1 in 3 women have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner.

1 in 4 women have been victims of severe physical violence (e.g. beating, burning, strangling) by an intimate partner in their lifetime

1 in 7 women have been injured by an intimate partner.

So, domestic violence of a husband against his wife is a social disease that existed in the past and based on statistics, it continues to exist until now.  The problem may have risen because some religions place the responsibility of the original sin on women.   In addition to this social disease, another social disease that existed openly in the past is slavery and it continues to exist today informally in many societies. 

It is interesting that Islam eliminated these two diseases over 1400 years ago without setting law against them. This is done by changing the morals of the people and correcting their false ideas. 

I previously discussed Islamic approach to eliminating slavery in a talk entitled “Abolishing Slavery” on September 22, 2019; it is available on YouTube.   Today, I will inshallah focus on the issue of violence of a husband against his wife.

Addressing this topic is important for several reasons:

1. There is major confusion in the west regarding Islam’s position on women and the issue of women rights in Islam is often raised to attack Islam.
2. Violence against wives by so called Muslim husbands in the US remains to be a big problem. I heard some statistics that say about 20% of Muslim women in the US are experiencing domestic abuse and unfortunately this even happens to members of our community.  
3. Some Muslims have no clue about Islamic rules and thus continue to follow male based tribal and pagan customs.

In my talk today, I’ll focus on verse 34 of Surat Al-Nisa that is often used to justify the abuse of women because it may be understood as giving a husband the right to freely hit his wife which is in complete contradiction to the verse and to the practices of our beloved Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) who is the only one whom we are required to use as reference to understand the interpretation of the Quran through his actions. 

In translating the verse, I’ll not translate three key words because I want to explain their meanings in detail before giving their proper translations, Allah says:

ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٲمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعۡضَهُمۡ عَلَىٰ بَعۡضٍ۬ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُواْ مِنۡ أَمۡوَٲلِهِمۡ‌ۚ فَٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتُ قَـٰنِتَـٰتٌ حَـٰفِظَـٰتٌ۬ لِّلۡغَيۡبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ‌ۚ وَٱلَّـٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهۡجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلۡمَضَاجِعِ وَٱضۡرِبُوهُنَّ‌ۖ فَإِنۡ أَطَعۡنَڪُمۡ فَلَا تَبۡغُواْ عَلَيۡہِنَّ سَبِيلاً‌ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّ۬ا ڪَبِيرً۬ا (٣٤)

“Men are (قَوَّٲمُونَ) “Qawamoon”of women by the virtue of Allah has favored some of them above others, and because of their spending from their money.  The righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah), guarding the unsee (the family secrets) that Allah has guarded. As for those whom you fear (نُشُوزَهُنَّ) “Noushouzuhun” , advise them, then refuse to share their beds, then (ٱضۡرِبُوهُنَّ‌) “Adribuhun”. if they return to obedience, seek not a way against them. Surely, Allah is Exalted, Most Great (Al-Nisa 4:34) 

The three words that require serious clarification because their wrong interpretation can lead to complete misunderstanding of the pragmatic strategy that the Quran uses to eliminate the social disease of domestic violence against wives. These words are (قَوَّٲمُونَ), (نُشُوزَهُنَّ) and (ٱضۡرِبُوهُنَّ‌).

Let me start with the first word (قَوَّٲمُونَ) because this word set the responsibility of the husband and the wife which if understood from the Quran and the sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH), it will solve all the problems between the husband and the wife.  The relationship between the husband and the wife is based on certain Islamic fundamentals that must be understood:

First, man and woman are created form the same soul this was emphasized in many verses in the Quran such as:

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُوا رَبَّكُمُ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُمْ مِنْ نَفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَخَلَقَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا

“O mankind! Fear your Lord Who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate”. (Al-Nisaa 4:1) 

Therefore, there should be no preference between man and woman in the sight of Allah, except by Taqwa, the level of their degree of conscious of Allah in all what they do. 

Second: The term (قَوَّٲمُونَ) came in several times in the Quran to mean stand up for justice and stand up for prayers.  It does not imply any form superiority; in fact it implies humility and service.  As example, Allah says:

يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ كُونُواْ قَوَّٲمِينَ بِٱلۡقِسۡطِ شُہَدَآءَ لِلَّهِ وَلَوۡ عَلَىٰٓ أَنفُسِكُمۡ أَوِ ٱلۡوَٲلِدَيۡنِ وَٱلۡأَقۡرَبِينَ‌ۚ (١٣٥)

“O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even though it be against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin.” (Al-Nisa 4:135)

Third:  Allah attributed solely to Adam (the man) the disobedience to Allah’s command that He gave to both Adam and Hawa (Eve):

وَلَقَدۡ عَهِدۡنَآ إِلَىٰٓ ءَادَمَ مِن قَبۡلُ فَنَسِىَ وَلَمۡ نَجِدۡ لَهُ ۥ عَزۡمً۬ا (١١٥)

“And indeed, We gave directive to Adam earlier, but he forgot, and We did not find in him firm resolve.” (Taha 20:115)

Therefore, the blame of disobeying Allah and eating form the tree was placed solely on Adam and Eve (Hawa) has nothing to do with it, as Allah says:

فَأَكَلَا مِنْهَا فَبَدَتْ لَهُمَا سَوْآتُهُمَا وَطَفِقَا يَخْصِفَانِ عَلَيْهِمَا مِنْ وَرَقِ الْجَنَّةِ وَعَصَى آدَمُ رَبَّهُ فَغَوَى

“They both ate of the tree, and so their nakedness appeared to them: they began to sew together, for their covering, leaves from the Garden; thus Adam disobeyed his Lord, and allowed himself to be seduced. (Taha 20:121)

Fourth: Allah made it clear to Adam and not Hawa (Eve) that the disobedience to Allah’s command not to eat form the tree will result in Adam leaving heaven and suffering in earth:

فَقُلۡنَا يَـٰٓـَٔادَمُ إِنَّ هَـٰذَا عَدُوٌّ۬ لَّكَ وَلِزَوۡجِكَ فَلَا يُخۡرِجَنَّكُمَا مِنَ ٱلۡجَنَّةِ فَتَشۡقَىٰٓ (١١٧)

Then We said: “O Adam! Verily, this is an enemy to you and to your wife. So let him not get you both out of Paradise, so that you (Adam) will be in hardship. (Taha 20:117) 

Therefore, the hardship that people will face in the earth should be on the man only and the women should not suffer any hardship.  Since man was the one responsible for getting the woman from heaven, he should face all hardship to make her life in earth closely similar to her life heaven.

This is why in the Islamic law, the wife has no responsibility in her house other than two things:

1. make herself attractive to her husband to have intimate relationship with him.
2. Do not allow anyone he dislikes to enter their house.

These are the only two obligations for the wife.  How about cooking and cleaning and taking care of the children, none of these are her responsibilities.

It is the opinion of (المالكية والشافعية وجمهور الحنابلة والظاهرية) Malik, Al-Shafie, Ahmad and Ibn Hazm that the wife is not obligated to work in her husband house; she has no responsibility to cook, clean, wash clothing or do anything around the house and that the husband needs to hire her servants.

Imam Malik has an opinion that if the husband is poor, the wife may help with the housework and Imam Abu Hanifa says that if she did, it is not as obligation but rather as something that Allah will reward her for doing it. 

The majority opinion is that the wife is not obligated even if the husband cannot afford a servant.   Imam Ibn Hazm, says that the husband cannot bring to his wife uncooked food or bring for her fabric that is not sewed. He needs to bring her cooked food and sewed clothing.  

The Jurists derived their ruling based on the verse in surat At-Talaq in which the man is required to pay his divorced wife for breast feeding their infant child.

{ فَإِنْ أَرْضَعْنَ لَكُمْ فَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ }،

“Then if they are suckling for you (breast feed a child), give them their due payment,” (Al-Talaq 65:6)

If the woman is paid to breast feed her child, it would be more reasonable to consider that doing other tasks is not obligatory.

Even the Khalifa Omar ibn Al-Khtaab was on the opinion that the wife is not obligated to work in the house.   Once a man came to complain to Omar about his wife and he knocked on the door, he heard Omar’s wife shouting at him, so he left but Omar opened the door and called him and asked him why did you come?  The man said:  I came to complain about my wife who shouts at me and I found you in worst position.  So, Omar told him: 

يا أخي إني احتملتها لحقوق لها علي : إنها طباخة لطعامي خبازة لخبزي غسالة لثيابي مرضعة لولدي و ليس ذلك كله بواجب عليها

“My brother, how can I not tolerate her, and she has rights over me. She cooks my food and bakes my bread and wash my clothing and breast feed my child and she is not obligated to do any of these.

Therefore, when it comes to work around the house, it is the husband obligation and if the wife does it, it is out of kindness and love and the husband should be grateful rather than complaining when he sees certain things are not done.  Our role model for treating his wives is our Prophet (PBUH) and as Sayeda Aisha said:

 إذا دخل بيته قالت: كان يكون في مهنة أهله فإذا حضرت الصلاة قام فصلى

“As soon as the Prophet (PBUH) enters his house, he is always in the service of his family and only stops for prayers”.  (Muslim)

Sayeda Aisha also said:

عَن عَائِشَة رضي الله تعالى عنها قالتْ: ما كان أحد أحسن خلقا من رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم، ما دعاه أحد من الصحابة ولا من أهل بيته إلا قال لبيك

“No one had a better character than the Prophet (PBUH), no one ever called him from his family, but he answered “لبيك”, I am at your service”.

With this background, we realize that the term (قَوَّٲمُونَ) in the verse (ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٲمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ) means that men are always standing up in support and service of women financially, physically and emotionally.  Therefore.

ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٲمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعۡضَهُمۡ عَلَىٰ بَعۡضٍ۬ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُواْ مِنۡ أَمۡوَٲلِهِمۡ‌ۚ (٣٤)

Can be translated as follows:

“Men are standing in support/service of women by the virtue that Allah has favored some of them above others, and because of spending from their wealth.  (Al-Nisa 4:34)

Since the wife has no responsibly around the house, the remaining on verse 34 has nothing to do with the wife refusing to do anything around the house, but it focuses on the one key responsibility of the wife towards her husband which is the intimate relationship with him.

The middle part of the verse describes two classes of wives with respect to their appreciation of his support and service,  

The first class is the wife who appreciates her husband’s support and service for her.  Allah describes her attributes as follows:

فَٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتُ قَـٰنِتَـٰتٌ حَـٰفِظَـٰتٌ۬ لِّلۡغَيۡبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ‌ۚ (٣٤)

“The righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah), guarding the unseen (family secrets) that Allah has guarded.

The second class is the wife that is characterized by the following behavior:

وَٱلَّـٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ (٣٤)

“As for those whom you fear (نُشُوزَهُنَّ)

Based on the previous discussion on the responsibility of the wives and that she is not responsible for any service around the house, the attribute of the word (نُشُوزَهُنَّ) cannot mean disobedience unless it related to her not allowing the husband to sleep with her. 

In order to properly interpret the verse, you must understand two terms, the term (نشوز) and the only way to understand the meaning of the term is to see how it is consistently used in the Quran in other verses.

In addition to the verse we are discussing, the term (نشوز) is used in three additional verses.  It is used in Surat Al-Baqara, in Surat al-Nisa, and in Surat Al-Mujadila

In Surat Al-Baqara, it is used in verse 259 referring to the resurrection of the donkey of the man whom Allah made him die for 100 years and Allah told him:  

‌ۖوَٱنظُرۡ إِلَىٰ حِمَارِكَ وَلِنَجۡعَلَكَ ءَايَةً۬ لِّلنَّاسِ‌ۖ وَٱنظُرۡ إِلَى ٱلۡعِظَامِ ڪَيۡفَ نُنشِزُهَا ثُمَّ نَكۡسُوهَا لَحۡمً۬ا‌ۚ فَلَمَّا تَبَيَّنَ لَهُ ۥ قَالَ أَعۡلَمُ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَلَىٰ ڪُلِّ شَىۡءٍ۬ قَدِيرٌ۬ (البَقَرَة٢٥٩)

“And look at your donkey and We will make you a sign for mankind. Look at the bones, how We raise them (نُنشِزُهَا)  and clothe them with flesh”. When it became clear to him, he said, “I know that Allah is Able to do all things.” (Al-Baqara 2:259)

Obviously, the meaning of term (نشوز) here has nothing to do with disobedience, but it refers to raising the bones up.

In Surat Al-Mujadila, verse 11 is often stated in the Jumma prayer when the Masjid gets full and the Khateeb wants the people to make room for others.

يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓاْ إِذَا قِيلَ لَكُمۡ تَفَسَّحُواْ فِى ٱلۡمَجَـٰلِسِ فَٱفۡسَحُواْ يَفۡسَحِ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمۡ‌ۖ وَإِذَا قِيلَ ٱنشُزُواْ فَٱنشُزُواْ (١١المجَادلة)

“O you who believe! When you are told to make room in the assemblies, make room. Allah will make room for you. And when you are told to rise up, rise up..” (Al-Mujadila 58:11)

Here also the term (نشوز) means rise up.  So, in the context of the relationship between the husband and wife, the term (نشوز) means the behavior of one party acting in a way that is interpreted by the other party as being arrogant, conceit and condescending.   Because this is an interpretation of actions, the husband cannot be fully sure that the wife action is intended to put him down, but he may be afraid that this is her intention and thus the Quran uses the term (تَخَافُونَ) meaning that you are afraid of.  

But this interpretation that certain actions by the wife are interpreted by the husband as signs of her condescending and putting him down, it can also happen when the wife interprets certain actions by the husband as signs of him condescending and putting her down.

Verse 128 in Surat Al-Nisa referring to this situation of the actions of the husband that are interpreted by the wife as signs of e arrogance and conceit that the wife hates and if not corrected can lead to divorce: 

وَإِنِ ٱمۡرَأَةٌ خَافَتۡ مِنۢ بَعۡلِهَا نُشُوزًا أَوۡ إِعۡرَاضً۬ا فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيۡہِمَآ أَن يُصۡلِحَا بَيۡنَہُمَا صُلۡحً۬ا‌ۚ وَٱلصُّلۡحُ خَيۡرٌ۬‌ۗ (١٢٨)

“And if a woman fears conceit (نُشُوزا) or desertion from her husband, there is no blame on them should they come to an accord; and making peace is better.” (Al-Nisa 4:128)

Note that in both verse 4:34 and verse 4:128, the term fear is used suggesting that the spouse interprets the behavior to be conceit and arrogance but there is some doubt because no one knows the exact intention of the person action. This is why in both cases the advice is required to validate the motive of the behavior.  

We note that verse 128 and the end of verse 34 talks about improper treatment between the husband and the wife related to a sensitive subject which is the intimate relationship between them.  When it comes to this type of relationship, the Quran uses a covert approach to discuss the issue in decent way.  Therefore, we can take from verse 128 the indication of the problem by the word desertion (إِعۡرَاضً۬ا).  In verse 34, this term was not used and only the term conceit (نُشُوزًا) was used. But as we discussed before, the key responsibility of the wife is to have an intimate relationship with her husband.  If the wife refuses and the husband interprets her refusal as rejection of him because she looks down on him.   What would you expect the husband should react in this case?  If there is no divine guidance, the husband’s reaction will most likely be violence against his wife.

In fact, many of the currently reported domestic violence in the west are caused by the husband feeling resentment from his wife due to her lack of attention or respect and that he becomes his wife’s last priority. It is common that some men may act violently because they have difficulty controlling their emotions.

But, if the husband is following Allah’s commands, he must control his emotion and follow a 4-step process to resolve what he perceives as bad behavior of the wife.

The first step is for him to cool down and advice his wife about his dissatisfaction and verify the reason for her rejecting him.  If this does not result in a change in her behavior, then he implements the 2^nd step to affirm his dissatisfaction by showing her that he does not care about this relationship by refusing to sleep with her in the bed. 

 If this does not result in any change in the wife behavior, we come to the third step that some people object to it, ignoring all the past discussion and trying to change the meaning of this step and thus missing the restrictions imposed on it by the Prophet (PBUH).   The three steps are presents as follows:

وَٱلَّـٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهۡجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلۡمَضَاجِعِ وَٱضۡرِبُوهُنَّ‌ۖ (٣٤)

“As for those whom you fear conceit (نُشُوزَهُنَّ), advise them, then refuse to share their beds, then (ٱضۡرِبُوهُنَّ‌) hit them. (Al-Nisa 4:34)  

The third step is the one that people have an issue with and some Muslims try to be apologist by interpreting it in a way that is not consistent with the verse. 

All early scholars interpreted the word (ٱضۡرِبُوهُنَّ‌) in this verse to mean strike or hit and they said:

وضَرْب النساء الوارِد في القرآن مَنْهِي عنه ابتداء ، ويُشْرَع بِقَدْر الحاجة ، وهو مضبوط بِضوابِطه ، بحيث لا يَكون مُبرِّحًا ، ولا يكسر ولا يَجرح ، ولا يَكون في الوَجْه .

Hitting women that is stated in the Quran is prohibited as first step and it is only used in necessity and it is governed by restrictions, that it cannot cause any physical harm and it cannot be on the face.  

Ibn Abbas was asked about what is the hitting that cannot cause harm, he said:

قال عطاء : قلت لابن عباس : ما الضَّرْب غير الْمُبَرِّح ؟ قال : بالسِّواك ونحوه .

It is with the swiak (a short soft stick that is used as toothbrush) and something similar.

But if hitting, though minor, is allowed in the verse, why the scholars said that hitting a wife is generally prohibited and went thru the details to set restriction in case it happens.  The reason is that the Prophet (PBUH) who understood the Quran more than any other human being prohibited hitting the wife by his example and by saying:

عَنْ إِيَاسِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ أَبِي ذُبَابٍ قَالَ : قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ : ( لَا تَضْرِبُوا إِمَاءَ اللَّهِ ) ]سنن أبي داود سنن ابن ماجه صحيح ابن حبان السنن الكبرى للنسائي السنن الكبرى للبيهقي مسند الإمام الشافعي المعجم الكبير للطبراني[

“Do not hit the women (the female slaves of Allah)”.

The Prophet (PBUH) also said:

عن ‏ ‏أبي هريرة ‏ ‏قال ‏ قال رسول الله ‏ ‏صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ ‏أكمل المؤمنين إيمانا أحسنهم خلقا وخيارهم خيارهم لنسائهم)  مسند أحمد(

“The most perfect believers are the best in conduct. And the best of you tare hose who are best to their wives.”

With the additions of the severe restriction on the third step, it is not allowed to be used for the cases when its use complicates step 4 which is counseling, and thus leads to divorce.   Step 4 which is counseling is described as follows:   

وَإِنۡ خِفۡتُمۡ شِقَاقَ بَيۡنِہِمَا فَٱبۡعَثُواْ حَكَمً۬ا مِّنۡ أَهۡلِهِۦ وَحَكَمً۬ا مِّنۡ أَهۡلِهَآ إِن يُرِيدَآ إِصۡلَـٰحً۬ا يُوَفِّقِ ٱللَّهُ بَيۡنَہُمَآ‌ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرً۬ا (٣٥)

“If you fear a split between them (the spouses), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from her family; if they desire to set things right, Allah will cause their reconciliation. Indeed, Allah is All-Knowing All-Aware”. (Al-Nisa 4:35)

Just to close the discussion on the 3^rd step, some people try to interpret it to mean a continuation of the 2^nd step, which is separation, but this obviously contradicts the Prophet’s hadith who prohibited it and was the basis for the restrictions imposed by all past scholars. 

Those who want to suggest that the third step in response to the wife disrespecting and bullying her husband and refusing to have intimate relationship with him means “to separate, refer to the use of the root (ضرب)  in the following verses in the Quran: 

لِلْفُقَرَاء الَّذِينَ أُحصِرُواْ فِي سَبِيلِ اللّهِ لاَ يَسْتَطِيعُونَ ضَرْباً فِي الأَرْضِ} البقرة٢٧٣

“(Charity is) for the poor, who are confined in the way of Allah, and are unable to travel in the land (for trade or work).” (Al-Baqara 2:273)

قِيلَ ٱرۡجِعُواْ وَرَآءَكُمۡ فَٱلۡتَمِسُواْ نُورً۬ا فَضُرِبَ بَيۡنَہُم بِسُورٍ۬ لَّهُ ۥ بَابُۢ بَاطِنُهُ ۥ فِيهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَةُ وَظَـٰهِرُهُ ۥ مِن قِبَلِهِ ٱلۡعَذَابُ} الحديد ١٣{

“It will be said: “Go back to your rear and search for light!” Then a wall will be struck (placed) between them, with a gate therein. In it sinner side, there will be mercy, while the outside there will be torment.” (Al-Hadeed 57:13)

But, the root (ضرب) clearly means strike/hit in other verses such as:  

فَأَوْحَيْنَا إِلَى مُوسَى أَنِ اضْرِب بِّعَصَاكَ الْبَحْرَ فَانفَلَقَ فَكَانَ كُلُّ فِرْقٍ كَالطَّوْدِ الْعَظِيمِ} الشعراء ٦٣

“Then We revealed to Mua (Moses) (saying): “Strike the sea with your staff.” And it will be severed apart, and each part became like the huge mountain.” (Al-Shuara 26:63)

وَلَقَدْ أَوْحَيْنَا إِلَى مُوسَى أَنْ أَسْرِ بِعِبَادِي فَاضْرِبْ لَهُمْ طَرِيقاً فِي الْبَحْرِ يَبَساً لَّا تَخَافُ دَرَكاً وَلَا تَخْشَى} طه ٧٧

“And indeed, We revealed to Musa (Moses): Travel by night with My slaves and strike for them (with your staff) a dry path in the sea, neither fearing to be overtaken, nor having any fear (of drowning).” Taha 20:77) 

When you see a different use in the Quran for the same word, it is important to see how the companions understood the meaning of the word in this specific verse. 

If you go back to verse 128 where the disrespect and the rejection is done by the husband, there is sonly one step before divorce, and this is counseling.

Based on this talk, I am proposing that the translation of verse 34 of Surat Al-NIsa that we studied today can be as follows.

ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٲمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعۡضَهُمۡ عَلَىٰ بَعۡضٍ۬ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُواْ مِنۡ أَمۡوَٲلِهِمۡ‌ۚ فَٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتُ قَـٰنِتَـٰتٌ حَـٰفِظَـٰتٌ۬ لِّلۡغَيۡبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ‌ۚ وَٱلَّـٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهۡجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلۡمَضَاجِعِ وَٱضۡرِبُوهُنَّ‌ۖ فَإِنۡ أَطَعۡنَڪُمۡ فَلَا تَبۡغُواْ عَلَيۡہِنَّ سَبِيلاً‌ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّ۬ا ڪَبِيرً۬ا (٣٤)

“Men are standing in support and service of women by the virtue of Allah has favored some of them above others, and because of their spending from their money.

The righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah), guarding the unseen (family secrets) that Allah has guarded.

As for those whom you fear their conceit and refusal (of intimate relationship) advise them, then refuse to share their beds, then hit them (without causing any physical harm), but if they return to obedience, seek not a way against them. Surely, Allah is Exalted, Most Great (Al-Nisa 4:34) 

DUA